Henry and the Condom

I picked the boys up from school today and the teacher called me aside to tell me something.

Her:  "This morning when we were out on the playground Henry pulled something out of his pocket. He said something about having picked up litter and that he needed to throw it away."

She proceeds to pull the said-something out of a plastic bag... A little red condom still in its packaging.

I am not expecting this AT ALL.

Me:  "It's not ours!"  A totally incriminating voice spilling from my mouth.

And, in all honesty, it wasn't; ours are purple.

Her:  "Oh, I know.  I asked him where he got it and he said he found it on a walk the other day and had picked it up because it is 'litter' and 'we pick up litter'."

Me: "Well, that's true. We do pick up litter."

Her:  "However, the children saw it before I did and started shouting, 'Henry has a sucker! Henry has candy! Can we have candy too!?'" 

Me:  "Oh dear."

The thing that concerned me most about the situation was not that my 5-year-old had a condom in his pocket but that now his teacher assumes I send the children to school in dirty clothes when in fact these were fresh out of the dryer this morning.

Anyway, she got a kick out of it (I think). And I certainly got a kick out of it... Their father, not so much...

After relaying the story to him:

 Him:  "You didn't check his pockets?"

Me:  "No. I don't check pockets."

Him:  "Are you going to start checking pockets?"

Me:  "No. I don't check pockets."

Him:  "You sent our 5-year-old to school with a condom in his pocket...Maybe you should start checking pockets."

Me:  "Maybe you should start doing the laundry."

The end.